


But You're Not

by WhiskerTeeth



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Bullying, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Feelings, Gay Character, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Jonathan needs to be protected, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Not all about the sex, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Out of Character, Peer Pressure, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Shame, Slow Build, Social Anxiety, Steve embraces his sexuality, Wet Dream, cumming untouched, fear of sex, more about building a relationship, nancy is a bad ass, stranger things, use of words queer and fag because of the time period
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 17:53:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7902172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiskerTeeth/pseuds/WhiskerTeeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After season one finale:</p>
<p>Jonathan Byers is suffering alone and trying to cope with his returning crippling social anxiety, a fear of being vulnerable, and all the creatures that lurk in the dark. </p>
<p>Steve and Nancy don't want him to be alone anymore. </p>
<p>After the events of the upside down, Steve and Nancy realize that they want to be there for Jonathan (in more ways than one). Although protection and healing is the first thing on their minds, they are also trying to form a relationship with Jonathan in hopes that it will strengthen their bond.</p>
<p>However, obstacles soon become apparent as they realize that Jonathan is broken and needs their help more than they ever thought possible. </p>
<p>Jonathan doesn't want to be alone anymore. </p>
<p>Maybe he doesn't have to be.</p>
<p>This is a fic that touches on all of the hints given, but not elaborated on in the show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction. I do not own any of the Stranger Things characters. Any slurs used or mental health issues addressed are not meant to be misused and are only present to improve the work by adding dialogue and character traits appropriate with the time period and characterization from the show. No offense is meant. I apologize for any inaccuracies. Please excuse any grammatical errors as I have no beta. I am using this as a creative writing outlet only. This is not meant to be formal. This is my first fic, please enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize. My italicized sentences to signify inner thought are not showing up. Please read with this in mind.

Jonathan always knew he was different.

The kids in school bullied him daily and the word weirdo was tossed around more often than he would like to admit.

Lunches were lonely.

Home life was hard.

Although he had his difficulties, up to this point Jonathan had at least one comfort:

He knew who he was.

An average student, a minimum wage worker, and a teenager with social anxiety so bad he could barely make eye contact.

But he knew this. 

All his life, Jonathan knew just who and what he was. 

Until he fought the monster.

Now he is permanently bonded to near strangers whom he has battled alongside with and life could not be more strange. His world was supposed to go back to normal when the monster was defeated and Will came home. After all, life before the upside down was all he knew.

The scariest part about change is not being aware of the fact that it has happened.

Jonathan always knew he was different.

But he doesn't know who he is anymore. 

\---

Time to get up.

As the only member of the house who has a working alarm clock, it is my job to wake up my mother and brother. Although I've found this annoying in the past, I now find comfort in waking my family every morning just to make sure they are still here, alive, and healthy. 

These last couple weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion. After Will was discharged from the hospital and we had our humble Christmas celebration, things have begun to settle. Although I am happy to finally have my little brother back home with me and my mother in a good mental state, I still can't help but feel uneasy. Will has acted sort of strange since his homecoming and I haven't been much better.  
The nightmares are nearly constant and I find myself only being able to sleep a couple of hours every night if at all. While my social anxiety has always been quite bad, I now find myself feeling panicked and jittery even when alone. With my second semester beginning in a little over an hour, I can't help but feel stressed.

Since the big incident, I've only talked with Nancy a couple of times when I've gone to pick up Will. We still haven't brought up anything that has occurred over the last month... Or even what we are to each other now. 

I head over to my mother bedroom and open the doors but loudly, "morning mom, it's time to wake up." 

All I get is a grumbled response. 

In addition to my worries, Steve still hasn't said a word to me. This makes me wonder if he is still holding a grudge. 

"I always took you for a queer, but I guess you're just a little screw-up like your father."

The words have been echoing in my head since that day. Even though Steve redeemed himself by helping me and Nancy fight off that thing in my living room, I still can't help but feel scared about how he will treat me after all this. 

Will it be just like before?

Bullying was something he could take from strangers. But having it come from someone who saw him at his most vulnerable might be devastating. His only hope is that Nancy will keep Steve on his leash if things get out of hand and he could just go back to being a loner.

An outcast. 

"...a little screw-up."

"No." 

I have to hold it together. If not for me, then for Will. 

I knock at his door. 

He always keeps it locked these days. But after everything he's been through I can't say that I blame him. 

"Wake up bro! I'm about to cook breakfast!" 

Even if Steve goes back to being an asshole and Nancy mostly keeps her distance like before, at least things will start to feel more normal. Like how they used to be. 

"I'm awake so stop yelling!" 

I can't help the small smile that forms on my face. 

I could really use some normal after everything that happened. Hopefully school won't be as bad as I'm expecting.

\---

It's bad.

It's really bad.

My first time walking through the halls after our "miracle family" story was published in all the local papers and broadcasted on the news was anything but normal. 

Instead of people avoiding me like the plague, suddenly everyone has taken an interest in me. 

This means conversation. 

Eye contact.

And crowds. 

I try to avoid them as much as possible, but it seems that no matter which way I turn I am bombarded with questions and someone is standing at my back. I'm polite enough to give the occasional "sorry" or "excuse me" while trying to push through a sea of curious teenagers but this politeness cannot last forever. 

Someone shoves me into a locker. 

"Hey pussy, my girl asked you a question. Are you just gonna ignore her?"

I know I can fight. The first time I ever threw a real punch, I nearly scrambled Steve Harrington's face. But that was in a moment of rage. When I was trying to protect someone other than myself. Before everything changed. 

The crowd starts to jeer and cheer him on.

"Yeah freak! Tell the whole school how your family lied for the money!"

My eyes start to water.

My heartbeat quickens.

I hate this about myself. The anxiety never fails to flair up at the most inopportune times. 

I take in a sharp breath. 

"Answer me!"

I close my eyes expecting a punch, a slap, anything. But it never comes. Instead I feel the weight yanked off my front and a familiar voice in my ears.

"Hey Clarence! Lay off the guy will ya?" 

Steve. 

I open my eyes in a panic and see Steve there with a fistful of Clarence's varsity jacket. He looks pissed. 

"Steve?! What the fuck?!"

Steve pulls Clarence further away from me and I watch as he pushes him into the crowd of students. The crowd is suddenly in an uproar, offended by the sudden turn of events. 

"Hey the hell outta here! All of ya! I already sent someone to get the principal!"

The crowd groans but begins to disperse as they continue to glare at Steve and I.

"You'll pay for this Steve," Clarence practically spits. 

"Yeah, yeah. Get lost man."

Clarence turns away and starts walking frustratedly toward his first period. 

"You alright?"

Steve has his hand out.

I didn't even notice I had slid to the ground until now. I take his hand.

"Uhm, y-yeah. Thanks for... that." 

I still can't look him in the eyes. I keep my vision trained on anywhere in the hallway except for Steve Harrington's face.

"You uh, got a little something..."

I can see out of my peripherals that he gestures toward my face. Instinctually I reach up to wipe at whatever may have gotten stuck to my face at breakfast this morning, but was surprised to feel nothing but wetness there. 

I'm fucking crying.

Like a pussy.

A queer.

"A screw-up."

I gasp as I begin to furiously scrub at my face with both hands, not dating to look up at Steve.

Until I do.

What I see wasn't expected.

He's not looking at me in a condescending way. He doesn't have a smile on his face like he's pleased to see me embarrass myself in front of my peers. He looks different. He looks so... 

"Say something man, I'm worried about you." 

Worried about me?

"Steve! Jonathan!"

I look up to see none other than Nancy running over. 

"Oh my goodness, what happened?"

She makes a brief suspicious glance in Steve's direction before she focuses all of her attention on me. She reaches to touch my arm.

"Don't touch me!"

I jerk away like I've just been burned and I suddenly find myself on my feet. I can still feel tears running down my cheeks as I look down at her. 

Beautiful.

Confident. 

Strong. 

Everything I'm not.

Maybe it was too early for me to come back to school. 

"Sorry. I... I have to go."

She looks hurt as she reaches for me again. But I don't give her a chance as I hurriedly make my way to the closest bathroom. I look over my shoulder at just the right moment to see Steve with his arm around her, both of them staring after me.

With pity.

I shove the bathroom door open and I'm relived to see no one inside. I slam the stall door closed and lock it just in time for the panic to really set in. 

I feel light headed as my breathing suddenly turns rapid and my chest heaves with an alarming amount of force. I fall to the dirty tiles below me and I start sobbing.

Where is this coming from?!

Since will has returned I haven't exactly had the time to worry about anything but him. I haven't been in a crowd, haven't talked to so many people, and I certainly haven't felt this kind of pressure In a long time. Before all this I was mostly left alone. After getting Will back I have spent almost all my time at home. 

Maybe that's why I'm freaking out now. 

Shock. 

Although more delayed than expected.

I continue to sit there trying to calm myself long after the first period bell rings. It takes me about. 30 minutes to finally get myself under control again and in that time not one person came for me. 

Good. 

I unlock the stall and head over to the mirror, taking in my disheveled appearance and bloodshot eyes. 

"Shit." 

I splash some water on my face quickly before I grab my messenger bag off the floor and head back out into the hall. I walk straight past my first class. 

And my second. 

And my third. 

I walk quickly past the doors of the schools main entrance and into the parking lot.

The scariest part about change is not being aware of when it has happened.

"Bullshit." 

Everything has changed.

And that is absolutely terrifying.

\---


	2. Chapter 2

He lays in bed with his head buried underneath his pillow. The house is empty and quiet.

I can't believe I skipped my first day.

Will is at school and I'm laying in bed like a pathetic coward.

Jonathan pulls at the sheets, tossing and turning as the events of the morning slip into his mind. The crowds, the pushing, his back up against the locker-

Steve

He sits up with a gasp. Why had Steve defended him? It's not like since Steve saved him and Nancy from the monster he should feel obligated to keep doing the same. Maybe for Nancy. But not for him. Jonathan definitely doesn't need protecting. Especially from jerks like Steve.

Suddenly an image of Steve an Nancy staring after him with pity in their eyes enters his mind. 

"Damn it."

Why did they look at him like that? It's different when other people do it. They feel sorry for him because of his broken family. How poor he is.

How alone.

But Nancy and Steve shouldn't be looking at him that way. Things were different now. Something-

Changed.

Jonathan let out a shaky breath. 

He doesn't want Nancy and Steve to feel sorry him. 

Then what do I want?

Grumbling, Jonathan turns over to lay on his side and falls into a restless slumber. 

\--

~flashback~

*growls*

"Augh!"

I can feel it on ton of me. All its weight on my ribs, so heavy they might crack. 

"Jonathan!"

Nancy's voice doesn't even register. 

*Groooooowwww*

It's so close now. Drool is falling onto my face and into mouth as I writhe underneath the monster before me.

"Jonathan! Jonathan!"

I'm going to die.

*bam!*

"Go to hell you son of a bitch!"

I see him. Swinging with my baseball bat as hard as he can. The weight leaves me and I crawl away to get to my feet.

"Steve!" 

*Raaaawwwhhoo!"

"He's in the trap!"

He's stuck.

"Jonathan, Now!"

\--

*Knocking at the door*

"Jonathan! Your friends are here!"

"Ahh!"

I snap up quickly and look around the room, panicked. My chest is heaving, my heart is racing, and I am absolutely drenched in sweat.

*Knocking continues*

"Jonathan, are you ok in there?" 

I look up at my door with wide eyes, still a bit confused. 

"Uhm, w-what?"

"Your friends are here! They're in the living room, don't keep them waiting!" 

Friends? 

Damn it. Steve and Nancy. 

I look down at myself in horror and hot o my mirror to take it my appearance. 

Eyes bloodshot. 

Disheveled. 

Tense.

"No, nononono...."

"I'll tell them to give you a minute!"

I quickly brush my hair and change before unlocking my door and heading to the living room. 

What do they want?

I make it to the living room and see Steve and Nancy sitting stiffly on the couch. It's not surprising after everything that happened. But then I see it. That look. The same one as earlier. 

Pity.

"Hey, Jonathan."

Although Steve says it with a smile I can see how uncomfortable he is just be here. 

"Jonathan, we came to see if you wanted to go out with us for awhile. Just the three of us?"

Nancy always managed to sound sincere. Beautiful and charming as ever. I see her hand held tightly in Steve's and I feel my heart twinge. 

"No. Uhm, n-no. I'm actually pretty--"

"Great!"

Steve gets up abruptly, grabs my arm and starts yanking me toward the door. 

"Hey!"

"Bye Ms. Byers! We will have him back by 10!"

I can hear my mothers muffled response from the other room. Of course she's letting me go on a school night. She always wanted me to have friends. But I was never like Will. I never could be.   
Steve continued to pull me out the door and toward his car while Nancy followed closely behind, her mouth drawn into a thin line. Steve opens the back door for me and practically pushes me in, slamming it behind me. I don't even have a chance to retort, still working my way up from the shock when the engine revs and I hear two seatbelts buckle at the same time. 

The car jerks forward.

"What the hell are you two doing?!"

Nancy looks back at me, hurt.

"What the hell are we doing?! What the hell are you doing?!"

"What are you talking about?!"

Steve decides to cut in.

"You practically had a panic attack at the school and then you wouldn't even talk to us. I fucking saved you so don't be an asshole!"

What?

"I'm the one being an asshole?! I just wanted to be alone! That's what I do! Jonathan Byers. Alone! I didn't ask you to come save--"

"Stop! Stop it both of you!"

Nancy's voice screeches everything to a halt. 

"This isn't what we came here to do Steve."

"I know, I just-"

"And what is it that you came here to do exactly?"

I cross my arms for emphasis even though they probably don't see it. But at this point I'll try any act of defiance if it means I'll get my way.

They glance at each other.

No one says a word. 

"Okay this is ridiculous, stop the car."

"NO!", they scream in unison.

I jolt a little at the sound

It's tense for a beat.  
Nancy recovers first.

"Look Jonathan, we were just worried about you."

Now I'm seething.

"I don. Need. Your. Pity." 

"Shut up!"

I do.

This time it's Steve's turn.

"We don't pity you man. We're just concerned. You pretty much haven't talk to either of us since what happened. We're in this together now. Like it or not, we are all connected because of that... thing." 

The air becomes tense. 

"I know it's hard for you. But we want to be..."

Steve glances at Nancy and she gives him a look.

"Friends." He says. 

I let out the breath I've been holding. 

"I don't have friends."

"Well Steve and I are your friends now. Get over it."

"I... I don't."

Nancy unbuckles her seat belt, turns around to face me, and grabs my hand from my lap. I look at her in shock and glance tentatively at Steve. He doesn't seem to notice or care. 

She strokes my knuckles with her thumb. It's oddly soothing and I relax into the touch. 

So soft...

"Jonathan..."

My mouth waters.

"We want to be here for you."

Her big blue eyes seem sincere. They're oddly hypnotic. 

I can't look away. 

"Is that... Okay?" She sounds quiet now.

I hesitate and flinch a bit as I feel her fingers move in mine once more. 

"I-I... Uhm. Yeah. I guess that's... O-okay."

She smiles. 

I'm blown away. 

"So..."

Steve's voice brings me back.

"Where are we headed Nance?"

She lets go of my hand to situate herself back in my seat. I'm already missing her touch. 

"Hmmmm..." She hums. 

I lean forward anxiously. 

"The city."

Oh no.


	3. Chapter 3

"I can't go to the city." 

"Why not?"

Thoughts of Lonnie instantly run through my head. 

Flashes of memories I would rather forget. 

Logically, I know that it's a big city. The chances of me seeing him there are slim to none. But for some reason I can't stop the hair from rising on the back of my neck when I think of the last time I visited the city. My dad. His rough hands on my body. Liquor on his breath. 

I can't go back there.

"I... I just don't like the crowds."

"We can just go to places where there are less people."

Damn it  
"I just get really nervous. The uh, traffic and u-uhm..."

I fell like my tongue is about 2 sizes too big and my throat is 2 sizes too small.

"Jonathan."

It's Nancy.

"Y-yeah?"

"You'll be ok."

I melt. 

"Okay."

We continue to drive in silence.

\---

As we get closer I begin my nervous habit. My nails had just started to grow back after the incident but I just couldn't help myself. 

I have at least one finger in my mouth every time Steve glances at me in the rear view mirror. 

He gives me an odd look. But says nothing. 

Each mile closer, each nail a little shorter. 

A couple minutes pass before Steve leans a little closer to Nancy and wiggles his eye brows saying, "you have arrived at your destination" with a big grin. Nancy giggles of course, always charmed my Steve's attempts at being funny. Or charming. Or whatever this is.

"I can't wait to go to the mall!"

Reality hits me hard. 

"I thought you said... No crowded places."

"Stop being such a worry wart Jonathan! It's a big mall and it's a Monday afternoon! No one is gonna be there!"

\---

Everyone is here.

Everywhere I turn I see crowds, and groups, and practically hoards of people making their way through this mall.

I'm sandwiched between Nancy and Steve as they push and pull me into different directions to "look at this!" And "check this out!".

Suddenly I found myself taking the bait. While Nancy and Steve are distracted by a toy booth, my eyes wander westward where I see a bunch of shiny things. But not just any shiny things. Camera things. 

I flick my eyes over to where Nancy is practically glued to Steve's side as they play with one of the electronic dogs.

They barely seem to care that I'm here.

No one will notice.

I slowly shuffle toward the electronics store, instantly sucked in by the metals and glasses and plastics of all kinds. 

"Wow."

I inhale slowly, taking in the atmosphere of the place. Nearly empty. Dimly lit. I go over to one of the display cameras and pick it up gently, cradling it close to my chest as I examine its features.

"Incredible."

"Why yes it is! Isn't that one grand?"

I feel as if I've practically jumped out of my skin. In just a matter of seconds, several things happen.

I stumble backwards.   
I drop the camera.  
I bolt.

"I... Sorry! I'll just-"

I don't even get to look at the salesman's face before I practically run out of the store and in a random direction. 

"E-excuse me--"

"Sorry!"

"Watch it!"

I'm running into people left and right. I'm in the sea and I can't find which way is up. 

It's getting harder to breath. 

Instead of slowing down and trying to assess the situation calmly, I continue to squeeze my way through people as fast as I possibly can. I don't yet know my destination, but I sure as hell know it isn't here. 

"Woah! Sorry there pal!"

I'm slammed hard from behind. I'm not sure if it was the force of the impact, my panicked state of mind, or both that sent me crashing to the ground. 

"Ow..."

"Here, let me give you a--"

His hand comes dangerously close to my face.

"Don't touch me!"

I slap his hand away.

He gets red.

"Now look here, son--"

"Jonathan!"

Steve?

I'm still flat on my ass but I turn quickly toward the voice, happy to see anyone at the point. 

I see the shoes before the rest of him. My eyes still not quite reaching the people at a regular height. 

"Oh thank god I found you, Nancy would have freaked!"

I look up and see him running a hand through his anti gravity hair as he assessed the situation in in. He looks to the man in front of me.

"There a problem here?"

The man looks stricken. 

"Well, no, but--"

"Then scram!"

The man is still miffed but he lets out a huff and hobbles away. 

"And what are you looking at?!"

I hadn't noticed that a crowd had gathered until Steve started yelling at them. As he continues to wave his arms maniacally at them, they begin to disperse.

Meanwhile I'm still sitting on a dirty tiled floor in the middle of a shopping mall.

I move to get up.

But I fall back down again. 

What the hell?

I only just notice how badly I'm shaking. My arms are noodles, my legs are jelly. 

"Need a lift?"

I see a hand in my face again, but this time I know it's just Steve's. I still don't make eye contact, but I grab his hand. As he pulls me up, I mister what little strength I have to stand upright again. 

"You good, man?"

My eyes are darting around me frantically, searching desperately for an escape from this place. 

"Y-yes. I mean no. I just..." 

I don't even finish my though before I shove one of my shaking fingers into my mouth and begin to work my way around it. Sucking, then biting. Steve doesn't even come up on my radar anymore. I just try to focus on my coping mechanisms. 

Someone brushes my shoulder as they shove their way past me. 

My current situation dawns on my once again. 

In a panic I use my free hand to latch onto the closest thing.

Steve Harrington. 

He sucks in a quick breath in surprise, but doesn't comment on it. At this point I managed to move my eyes upward to look into his. 

Steve seems...

Sincere?

He has an empathetic look in his eyes, but he's flashing me a small smile. I look down again quickly before he can see just how out of sorts I really am. 

As if he doesn't already know. He saved you.

Again.  
I groan internally. 

"Hey, let's go meet Nancy. We split up trying to look for you, I bet she's worried sick."

I nod in agreement. One hand up to my mouth and too busy to reply, while the other is still gripped firmly onto Steve Harrington's designer jacket. 

He leads me away. 

I know I should be embarrassed. But at the moment I'm too 'in the moment' to care. I'm huddled up close enough to Steve that I can smell his expensive cologne. I lean in a little closer.

I don't want to admit it. But at the moment I find Steve to actually be...comforting.

As we pass through smaller spaces, I hold onto him a little tighter. He seems to notice this and throws an arm over my shoulder to keep me close to him. 

Is this what it's like to have friends?

"Jonathan! Steve!"

I see Nancy in the distance flagging us down. 

Although I'm happy to see her, I'm afraid of what she might think.

"Steve? What happened?"

She looks me up and down, taking in my hunched over appearance and strange body language. I want to tell her myself, but I feel like I'm in low battery mode, much like how eleven used to get when she would use her powers too much. 

"Nothing really. Just got a little lost, right?"

I don't look up, but I nod at Steve's comment in return. 

"Uhm, oh. Well, that's good. I'm glad to see that you two are getting along!"

She points her finger at Steve and me. His arm around me and mine holding onto him for dear life.

I know she can tell something went down, but she has enough courtesy to not mention it. Instead, she comes around to my other side and grabs my upper arm, ignoring the fact that I'm still chewing on my nails and sucking at them slowly. 

I'm sandwiched once again. 

"Sooooooo, pizza?" She asks happily. 

"You got it Nance!"  
Here we go again. 

\---


	4. Chapter 4

Even though I had my chance to sit with Nancy on the same side of the booth, I stick close to Steve. I don't know why but his presence is calming me down quite a bit. 

Maybe it's because he's protected me twice today.

Although I'm confused and a bit angry at myself for acting like this, I swallow my pride and take a bite of the pizza Steve bought. 

Between mouthfuls of pepperoni I look up to Nancy and see that she's looking at me happily. Sometimes I'll look away and she will smile at Steve instead. Making small gestures with her head between Steve and me as if there's some kind of inside joke or agenda I'm not exactly a part of. I feel Steve nod or make small gestures back at her, but I become to absorbed in my food to care. 

This friendship plan was a disaster. I ruined everything and abandoned Nancy while I used her boyfriend as a crutch. 

This is why people call you a weirdo. 

I look briefly between me and Steve, noticing our closeness once again. 

And this is why they call you a queer.

I feel my face start to heat up in embarrassment. Why was I thinking about this now? Steve seemed to notice me noticing him and he gave me a toothy grin, making me turn even redder if possible. 

Steve broke eye contact first this time and gave Nancy a knowing look with raised eyebrows as he nodded his head toward me.

She nods in agreement.

I've had enough. 

"Is there like some secret here that I'm not allowed to be in on?"

Both of them look flustered for a second. 

Steve sighs, "aaaand, he speaks." 

Nancy kicks him under the table.

"Hey!" 

"For once in your life Steve, keep your comments to yourself."

All at once I feel uncomfortable in their presence. I don't like being in the middle of arguments. But this wasn't going to stop me.

"Why do you keep making these weird gestures toward me? If you have sown thing to say, just say it. I messed up at the mall, I get it. know when I'm not wanted."

For a second it's like the air has been sucked out of the room. 

Nancy breaths it's back in. She's good at that sort of thing. 

"Jonathan, we didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. It's not that we don't want you here... It's... Just the opposite really."

She smiles and twirls a loose hair between her fingers. Her doe-like eyes stare into mine and I'm hers once again.

I find the courage to speak.

"W-well. What is it then?"

I feel movement under the table and I make a noise of surprise. Steve's hand is on top of my hand which I had squeezing my thigh to quell the nerves.

Not anymore.

He lifts my hand up onto the table so it's between us and in clear view for Nancy. He squeezes my fingers and then runs his thumb of my knuckles in a similar way to how Nancy did it in the car earlier that day. I start to get goosebumps. 

"I... What?"

I try to yank my hand away, suddenly self conscious of how this might look in public. But Steve stays firm. 

I look to Nancy for help. 

As soon as I look up I see her moving her hand steadily closer to where mine and Steve's are intertwined. She lays her hand on top. She leans over to our side of the table until she's only inches away from my face.

"Jonathan..."

Her voice is sickly sweet. 

It goes straight to my dick. 

Shit!  
I cross my legs under the table and tense up a bit. I look to Steve to make sure he didn't notice anything. He's looking straight into my eyes, but he doesn't give any indication if he notices my strange movements. I look to Nancy again. 

"Jonathan. We want you."

I look between Nancy and Steve again.

This time Steve speaks. 

"You act like you're all alone in the world but you're not... You're not alone. Not anymore." 

I feel like I've just been slapped.

Those words. 

My mothers words.

Coming from Steve Harrington's mouth. 

I go still. 

What is all this? 

"Look I know you guys are trying to be nice... But you don't have to be my friend just because of everything that happened."

"Jonathan, I don't think you understand."

I look up at her confused. 

They both squeeze my hand in unison. 

"We don't just want to be your friend. We want to be Ina relationship with you."

The atomic bomb has just dropped. 

I gather all the strength I have and tear myself out of their grip. I still don't completely understand this sick joke, but I'm already fuming. 

"Fuck you, Nancy."

I didn't really mean it. But at the same time I kind of did. 

"Jonathan-"

Steve's arm reaches out toward me.

"Just leave me alone!"   
I don't look back. I storm out of the pizza shop and into the frigid night air. I don't know how I'm getting home tonight, but I know I can't stick around. 

I hear Steve and Nancy chase after me. 

"Jonathan!"

"Jonathan please!"

"Let us explain." 

I keep walking. 

"Jonathan stop! Just listen! This isn't a joke."

"Just come back! Let us talk to you!"

Just keep walking Byers.

"We love you!"

What?!

I stop in my tracks.


	5. Chapter 5

What...

"I mean... As friends. We love you as friends." Steve said awkwardly. 

Nancy whacks him on the arm. 

"Steve..." She warns.

"We... Love you as friends. But we talked it over before this. Over the break. We all have a special connection Jonathan. You can't deny that. After what we've been through..." We all look down at that, "it just feels right that we stick together you know? We want to take it slow. And start things off like any other friendship. But I don't want to lie to you and say that we don't want you to be a part of what Nancy and I already have."

Steve's speech makes me feel a little less tense. 

They want to be in a relationship? A real one? With me? I've known from the beginning that I liked Nancy. I just never thought that she would want me like that. 

Does this mean she really likes me?

Embarrassingly enough, my face heats up again.   
"I'm still just... Really confused."

I refuse to make eye contact when I know I look so embarrassing. 

It's Nancy's turn to make a speech. 

"Jonathan."

She steps toward me.

"We don't want you to feel pressured into doing anything you're not comfortable with. We just want you to be as equally involved as we are so you don't feel like you don't belong. We know how alone you feel. We want to be here for you. We want to be more intimate with you to help you feel better after what happened. If it weren't for Steve, I know I wouldn't have gotten over it. Please. Just give this a chance. I promise we won't do anything you don't want to do. We just care about you. A lot. And we want you to be a part of this."

She places her hand on my chest and looks up into my averted eyes. 

"Please... I really like you."

There it was again. 

I takes every part of me to not flinch away in fear.

Or worse. 

Reach out and touch her. 

I look to Steve, trying to read him. Trying to see any kind of amusement in his eyes. Any chance of him mocking me, lashing out at me. Something. 

But all I could see was a softness that I never thought Steve Harrington capable of.

My voice cracks a little and takes on a high tone, still flustered by Nancy's actions.

"So... Both of you..."

"Yes." Steve states confidently, taking a step toward me as well. 

My hand moves it's way toward my mouth. Nervous habits are nervous habits. I manage to talk around the finger I've begun to bite on. 

"I'm no queer."

It comes out a bit mumbled. But I know they heard.

"Neither am I." Says Steve. 

I look up at him but continue to chew on my fingers. 

"I don't like men. I like Nancy. But I also like you. And only you, Jonathan Byers. Ever since that night when I managed to get that monster off of you... I've just felt like I wanted to protect you. Nancy and I talked about you constantly during the break. But you would hardly come out of your house and your phone still hasn't been replaced so we haven't called you. We just wanted to give you some space before school started. Then when everything started to go back to normal-"

"It's never going to be normal again."

"We know." Nancy whispers. 

"But," Steve continues, "if it can't be normal, we want to be in this together. To protect each other. To help each other. I know you already sort of have a thing for Nancy.... Just give me a chance. Give us a chance."

By now Steve has also made his way into his personal bubble, leaning close into my ear and whispering in my ear...

"Please." 

His hot breath sends tingles down my spine.

I can't help but feel my knees go a little weak.

What's wrong with me?

I hadn't realized it until now, but at some point I closed my eyes. It took a bit of effort to relax myself and open them again. 

When I do I notice both Steve and Nancy in my face, their eyes looking at me expectantly. 

I won't lie. These things that Nancy and Steve were doing... They felt good. They felt right. I'm still scared. I'm always scared. But I want to keep my friends. I don't... I don't want...

"I don't want to be alone anymore..."

And with that something in me broke. 

The floodgates opened and tears began to stream down my face. I sucked in a breath trying to hold in a sob. 

Steve and Nancy noticed immediately and pulled me into their arms for a warm embrace. The warmth of these two people against the cold night air felt like heaven. 

We stayed like that awhile. 

Eventually the weather brought us back to our senses as we all began to shiver.   
"So, home?" Steve asked.

Nancy and I pulled apart, not saying anything but nodding in agreement. 

Steve led the way back to his car. 

"Wanna ride shot gun?"

I looked to Nancy for approval. That was her spot. The girlfriend always sat in the passenger side seat. 

She didn't seem to mind as she gave me a small smile and opened the door to the backseat and slid inside. 

I hopped in. Although I know I was cold and my face looked totally gross from all the crying, I couldn't help but feel happy. As I sat shivering in Steve's car, I found myself feeling better than I had in a long time. I didn't feel the anxiety bubbling up from inside me. I didn't feel the depression, like heavy pillows suffocating me until I can barely breath. 

Things have changed. 

But in this moment I think I feel more like me than I have in a long time. 

And there's nothing scary about that.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm scared out of my mind. 

After I was dropped off, realization set in. 

What did I just do?

All of the endorphins or hormones or whatever it was that made me feel like I made the right decision have finally left me. Now I lay in bed tossing and turning as I relive the evening. 

Steve... And Nancy... 

"Uugghh..."

I comb my finger through my hair roughly as I sit up and throw my legs over the side of my bed. If anything knew how to solve a problem, it was hot chocolate. 

I get up and make my way to the kitchen and look in my cupboards. Although they are normally pretty desolate, I can always count on one thing to always be there; hot chocolate. I take a packet out of the box and fill a mug with hot tap water from the sink. As I'm stirring the contents of the packet into my container my mind stars to wander. 

Nancy's hand holding mine.   
Steve's arm over my shoulder. 

Being held tightly, shivering in freezing temperatures.

"Please..."

"Ah!"

I'm startled by my last thought. The smooth, breathy voice of Steve echoing in my ear.

I've spilled some of the hot liquid onto my hand but quickly wipe up the mess and move to the living room, still thinking about Nancy and Steve. My...

Lovers?

No. 

They can't be that. Not yet. The thought of waiter of them touching me intimately and with intention makes me terrified. The contact I received tonight was mostly the result of empathy and compassion. To my knowledge, there was no ill intent. No one seemed like they were ready to jump my bones. The way they were with me was different. So tender, so-

Loving. 

Ok, I can accept that love is a part of all this. But it's not like I'll be able to jump into all of this at once. I'm barely able to keep it together in my own head. Involving two other people in the mix just seems overwhelming. How am I supposed to act around them now, know that there's all of these expectations? 

I sip tentatively at my watery cup of cocoa.

As I continue to mull over all of my concerns, I don't notice how late it's getting. When I finish my drink I head back into the kitchen to check the time. 

3:46

Aw hell. 

Mom doesn't know I skipped my first day. But I know someone will mention sit when I miss school two days in a row. I have to make sure I don't oversleep. 

I pad my way back to my room and settle into bed, pulling my thin sheets up under my neck. I turn to my side and reach to turn off my lamp before pausing. An image of the monsters face runs through my mind. 

Lights on tonight.

I turn to my other side and close my eyes, trying to calm myself so I can fall asleep. 

Don't worry Byers. Everything will be fine.

All of this is just to help with your anxiety. Steve and Nancy just want to be there for you. 

Nothing will come out of this. 

It's not like a real relationship. After all, I don't have THOSE kinds of feelings toward them. 

Right? 

\---

Boy was I wrong.

~dream sequence~

"Oh, Nancy... Nancy..."

I watch as Nancy climbs on top of Steve. Her lithe form looking elegant as she gently makes her way up Steve's body, trailing gently with her fingers up his sides. 

"Steve..." She purrs.

Nancy is straddling Steve now. She places feather-like kisses on his neck and brings her hand down a bit lower to brush his manhood.

"God Nancy. Touch me. Please, just do it already!"

She looks up at him. Eyelashes half lidded as she licks her pouty lips. 

"Tell me how you want it, Steve."

"Please, baby. Anything, Anything!"

Nancy smiles at this, a twinkle in her eye. But there's a hint of something else In there too. Something I can't quite place. 

She slides back down until her knees are on either side of Steve's ankles, much farther away than before. 

"I know what you need."

She still hold his dick firmly in her right hand, but brings the left up to join. She gives him a slow stroke.

"Aw shit."

Nancy confines to move her hands up and down his shaft at a continues pace. Her head lowering ever so slightly every second that passes.   
She's close now. 

She licks the head. 

"Fuck!"

~end dream sequence~

-Pounding on door-

"Jonathan! For the last time, get up! You're going to be late for school!"

I shoot up in bed like a rocket, gasping for breath. I'm soaked with sweat. 

"Shit." I mumble under my breath.

"Jonathan!"

"I'm up mom!"

I move to the edge of my bed so I can sit up a little straighter. Then I feel it. 

Is that...

It is.

I close my legs tightly together in shame, turning red in embarrassment. I move my hand slowly to the font of my boxers and tug at the elastic waste and to check the damage. 

It's bad. 

I had a fucking wet dream. 

Like I'm 12 years old. 

And I dreamt about-

"Tell me how you want it..."

I feel myself gag a little. 

"I know what you need." 

I'm disgusting. 

This time when I gag it's too much to ignore. I hold a hand over my mouth and get up quickly to make my way to our only bathroom. 

I try opening the door with my opposite hand only to find it locked.   
"Occupied!" Will yells from inside.

It's too late.

I hear my mom make her way down the hall. 

"Jonathan, why aren't you dressed for-"

I lose it. 

I gah one last time and I can feel the hot burning combination of last nights dinner and cheap hot chocolate make its way up my esophagus. 

Through my fingers. 

Down my shirt. 

And onto our already scorched carpet. 

"Jonathan, what the-"

A second wave hits me and my stomach contents splatters to the floor."

"Will! Will open the door! Your brother needs to get in there!" 

Now my mom is pounding on the wall separating the hall from the bathroom. 

"What?"

Will opens the door. 

"Aw, sick man!"

I shove past him and sink to the floor in front of our only working toilet and continue to be sick. Flashes of my dream snake their way into my mind. And even though my eyes are closed, the images continue to play behind my eye lids. 

You're a freak Jonathan Byers. 

All the kids at school knew it too. 

"A freak.." I choke out. 

"What? Come on baby, let it out. Tell me what's wrong."

At some point my mom had managed to make her way past my puddle of sick and was on the floor with me rubbing my back and speaking gently. 

She's the best.   
But I'm the worst. 

How can I ever think to face Nancy or Steve after imagining them like that? What's wrong with me? 

Choke on a sob and let out a dry heave. 

"You're okay, honey."

Luckily for me, my mom thinks I'm upset because I'm sick. But I'm really just upset because I'm a huge creep like everyone at school always said. 

I don't think I can do this anymore. 

"You don't have to go to school today." 

This is the most miserable I've ever been. 

\---


End file.
